For years I was plagued by chronic back, hip and all over body pains. I had a combination of misdiagnosed and untreated sports induced injuries and stress related pain (more on that later). Mt twenties were very challenging. My spirit wanted to explore the world and discover who I was, but my bodies depleting condition greatly dictated what I could do and who I wanted to be. So I did what I thought I should do and gave up on what I wanted to do. I began a career in retail, worked long and hard hours and honestly, became quite successful. That was until one of my hips went out and the direction of my life immediately did a 180.’ Everything I though I knew was turned upside down and I began to feel lost and abandoned.
At first I let my challenges get to me and I became depressed. I hit a low time in my life, becoming very disconnected from my body and spirit. I lived in a world of perpetual thinking and I felt like a victim. I remember having one particularly bad day. I was sitting on the couch feeling practically numb when suddenly I felt this pang of concern towards my well being. I questioned if this was how my life was meant to be? I realized I was allowing myself to give in to the pain and I became determined to regain control of my life. Where in this process did I loose my strength to face the world and my problems? That was not who I was, I was a fighter and fighters don’t give in.
That moment of clarity changed everything. I felt something higher come through me, telling me to fight for the things I loved. It told me get up, open the drapes to let light and air in and go for much needed walk. So I grabbed my things and headed for The Mountain To Seas Trail, a long distance trail that connects the western Blue Ridge Mountains to the eastern coastlines in North Carolina.The trail was a stones throw away from my apartment and this easy access was a blessing and an intricate part of my healing.
I made myself go for a walk everyday. In the beginning I couldn’t walk more than1/4 mile before debilitating pain forced me back inside. But with time, my will encouraged me to go further and my curiosity wanted to know what was atop the hill or around the bend. I hiked the same portion of trail everyday, sometimes going further, other times I’d go for a slow saunter gaining little distance. I asked myself if I should branch out and see what other trails were out there, but I felt safe here. This was a place where I could reflect on the past and let things go. The woods were becoming a place of council and I could be free of judgment. I could share my secrets and I could trust they would stay private. Each walk removed a past layer and what was not to be a part of me.
Hiking the same trail also allowed me to gauge my accomplishments without being too stuck on the details. I never kept track of millage, how many steps I took or how long it would take me. I just did it. By avoiding the numbers and pre set goals, I never set myself up for failure. This was one time in my life I was not going to be an overachiever and put pressure on myself. I was teaching my self to just be and do what my mind and body wanted that day. The goal here was to nurture and heal myself, but I didn’t know that at the time. To me, just the effort of putting my shoes on and getting my ass outside onto the trail was my only agenda.
Hiking the same trail also allowed me to become intimate with the woods around me. People would ask if I was bored hiking the same thing everyday, but assuming it was the same was a false perception. The world around me changed daily if I was willing to see and feel it. The plant and animal life was in constant flux and if a winter storm passed through the trails landscape would be painted a winter wonderland. Change is inevitable and there is not a better place to experience change than in Nature. The hard part was opening my mind to it and allowing that change to become a part of me.
The trail made me stronger both emotionally and physically. Over the years I had become week, inflexible and lost my stamina, but the daily walking was restoring my physical condition and quieting my mind. With time I became stronger, breathing became more fluid and natural, but what I noticed most was my confidence. I walked with my head high, shoulders back and with time, ventured to new trails. The odd thing was I gravitated towards areas that were more remote and with fewer people. Again I felt safe in the arms of Mother Nature. I felt vulnerable and fearful of people. I wanted to be alone and felt inspired to go further, deeper and climb higher than I had ever before.
And that leads me to my present day. I feel my journey with pain, loosing myself and being blessed to intuitively discover my Being is my life’s purpose. I feel spiritually connected with Nature on the deepest level. I would not be the strong, confident and free spirited woman I am today without my suffering. My suffering humbled me, made me face the truth and gave me a breath of new life I will forever be grateful for. So it’s more than hiking to me, the trail is where is feel at Home no matter where I am, and in essence allows my spirit to be free and connected to who I really am. Why do I hike? What’s the obsession and where’s the thrill? These are questions I’ve been asked frequently and for those with inquiring minds I have a bit of a story to share if you care to read. Some of you may have heard it, some may not, but this is my story of self discovery and healing. It explains why I hike and offers a bit of insight of who I am.
For years I was plagued by chronic back, hip and all over body pains. I had a combination of misdiagnosed and untreated sports induced injuries and stress related pain (more on that later). Mt twenties were very challenging. My spirit wanted to explore the world and discover who I was, but my bodies depleting condition greatly dictated what I could do and who I wanted to be. So I did what I thought I should do and gave up on what I wanted to do. I began a career in retail, worked long and hard hours and honestly, became quite successful. That was until one of my hips went out and the direction of my life immediately did a 180.’ Everything I though I knew was turned upside down and I began to feel lost and abandoned.
At first I let my challenges get to me and I became depressed. I hit a low time in my life, becoming very disconnected from my body and spirit. I lived in a world of perpetual thinking and I felt like a victim. I remember having one particularly bad day. I was sitting on the couch feeling practically numb when suddenly I felt this pang of concern towards my well being. I questioned if this was how my life was meant to be? I realized I was allowing myself to give in to the pain and I became determined to regain control of my life. Where in this process did I loose my strength to face the world and my problems? That was not who I was, I was a fighter and fighters don’t give in.
That moment of clarity changed everything. I felt something higher come through me, telling me to fight for the things I loved. It told me get up, open the drapes to let light and air in and go for much needed walk. So I grabbed my things and headed for The Mountain To Seas Trail, a long distance trail that connects the western Blue Ridge Mountains to the eastern coastlines in North Carolina.The trail was a stones throw away from my apartment and this easy access was a blessing and an intricate part of my healing.
I made myself go for a walk everyday. In the beginning I couldn’t walk more than1/4 mile before debilitating pain forced me back inside. But with time, my will encouraged me to go further and my curiosity wanted to know what was atop the hill or around the bend. I hiked the same portion of trail everyday, sometimes going further, other times I’d go for a slow saunter gaining little distance. I asked myself if I should branch out and see what other trails were out there, but I felt safe here. This was a place where I could reflect on the past and let things go. The woods were becoming a place of council and I could be free of judgment. I could share my secrets and I could trust they would stay private. Each walk removed a past layer and what was not to be a part of me.
Hiking the same trail also allowed me to gauge my accomplishments without being too stuck on the details. I never kept track of millage, how many steps I took or how long it would take me. I just did it. By avoiding the numbers and pre set goals, I never set myself up for failure. This was one time in my life I was not going to be an overachiever and put pressure on myself. I was teaching my self to just be and do what my mind and body wanted that day. The goal here was to nurture and heal myself, but I didn’t know that at the time. To me, just the effort of putting my shoes on and getting my ass outside onto the trail was my only agenda.
Hiking the same trail also allowed me to become intimate with the woods around me. People would ask if I was bored hiking the same thing everyday, but assuming it was the same was a false perception. The world around me changed daily if I was willing to see and feel it. The plant and animal life was in constant flux and if a winter storm passed through the trails landscape would be painted a winter wonderland. Change is inevitable and there is not a better place to experience change than in Nature. The hard part was opening my mind to it and allowing that change to become a part of me.
The trail made me stronger both emotionally and physically. Over the years I had become week, inflexible and lost my stamina, but the daily walking was restoring my physical condition and quieting my mind. With time I became stronger, breathing became more fluid and natural, but what I noticed most was my confidence. I walked with my head high, shoulders back and with time, ventured to new trails. The odd thing was I gravitated towards areas that were more remote and with fewer people. Again I felt safe in the arms of Mother Nature. I felt vulnerable and fearful of people. I wanted to be alone and felt inspired to go further, deeper and climb higher than I had ever before.
And that leads me to my present day. I feel my journey with pain, loosing myself and being blessed to intuitively discover my Being is my life’s purpose. I feel spiritually connected with Nature on the deepest level. I would not be the strong, confident and free spirited woman I am today without my suffering. My suffering humbled me, made me face the truth and gave me a breath of new life I will forever be grateful for. So it’s more than hiking to me, the trail is where is feel at Home no matter where I am, and in essence allows my spirit to be free and connected to who I really am.
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